Feed, Prey, Love Meet Conley Berillo

Hey everyone:

A few weeks back, I introduced you to Talib Eldrige, a two hundred year old vampire. Now meet the other protagonist of my upcoming novel, Feed, Prey, Love. Conley is a sweet, understated guy who's uber hot and a bit geeky.

Conley Berillo stared at his computer in the billing department of Miriam Hospital. His isolated, windowless cubicle was squeezed into a forgotten corner of the basement, just the way he liked it. The person utilizing the adjoining cubicle was threat enough to his solitude. While most of his co-workers bitched about the job, the depressing room, their lives, Conley was content to remain in his private little hole, away from roving eyes and unwanted attention.

His fingers danced over the number pad to the right side of the keyboard. The rapid clicking on the keys sounded like the patter of rain on a roof during a thunderstorm. He didn’t need to look at his fingers or the screen to know he input the data accurately. This was his ideal job. Consistent, familiar, predictable. A new stack of bills each day.

Listening to the steady tap of his fingers, the numbers streaming in orange across the old DOS system, Conley calmly settled into his seat. He didn’t need or want to be creative. Creativity was for people who wanted to be noticed. His whole life, he maintained a low profile.

Images from his childhood crept into his wandering mind. Recollections of an awkward, pale, wiry, boy. The last one picked for games. Never invited to parties. His only friends the characters in the books he loved to read.

Finding the hidden stack of his mother’s Playgirl magazines provided the first clue to his primary difference. The barely-clothed men on the covers captured his attention and he couldn’t resist opening one magazine to look inside. The sight of the tanned, muscled men, erections arching along their bellies, drew him in as if inviting his eyes to absorb every vein. The ridge which separated the shaft from the inflamed glans evoked longings he didn’t understand. He had been eleven at the time and spent countless days in his mother’s closet when she was still at work, masturbating to those beautiful men, fantasizing what he might do if only they were real and there with him.

In high school, rather than join the relatively active GLBT club, he retreated deeper into his own shell. He didn’t fear rejection, fairly certain he would be, but something inside grew uncomfortable around others. Even in college, where being gay was not only accepted, but seemed to be popular, he still couldn’t bring himself to join with the community. Like oil and water, they mixed together, but never truly combined.

His few sexual experiences had occurred after dorm parties. All involving him on his knees blowing a guy, but never receiving a blowjob in return. He hadn’t even kissed anyone before. Instead, he had come to expect physical contact to be sporadic, followed by proclamations of how fuckin’ wasted the guys were afterwards. The boys never talked to him when he saw them around campus, not even glancing in his direction as they passed by.

Everything in his life screamed “different”, “outsider”, “you don’t belong”. And he accepted it with little resistance.

Turning back to the mound of papers in front of him, Conley sighed and continued punching in code. A hint of heaviness settled in his chest, the thoughts of his youth and his loneliness like a vise creating an uncomfortable pressure he couldn’t seem to escape. Before he had a chance to obsess, his phone rang, causing him to jump. The double-ring meant it was an external call. Only one person would call me at work.

A brief smile crossed his lips as he picked up the phone. “Hi, Purvis.”

“How’d you know it was me? Never mind. You got a minute to talk?”

Conley considered whether to be truthful before answering. Purvis was his first, well, to be honest, his only real friend. Still, ever since he had moved into Whispering Hills, something inside him had begun to bloom. The presence of paranormal creatures opened him up. He had never questioned why he felt so awkward throughout his life; not until he lived with paranormals. They too seemed to live in isolation, outcasts like him, who didn’t really belong to the world they inhabited. Once he began to interact with the residents of Whispering Hills, the parallels between their existence and his own became obvious.

While most humans rejected paranormals—acknowledging they were real, but keeping them as far away from their lives as possible—Conley embraced them. He knew too well what it felt like to be ostracized and for the first time believed he belonged.

In fact, moving to Whispering Hills after college hadn’t been a choice. It had been a compulsion. The need to live with others like himself, people who existed alongside scrutinizing, hateful people following their every move, overpowered him. In the wonderful building at the top of the hill, diversity was embraced. Even the humans who lived there were more approachable, more open-minded and accepting of difference.

“Conley, you still there?” Purvis’s voice was light, a hint of a giggle coming through the phone.

“Yeah, sorry. I’ve got a few minutes. What’s up?” He held the phone tightly in his hand, bracing himself for what Purvis might say. If there was one thing he could count on about his friend, it was complete unpredictability.

“So, you know I’m throwing a party tonight and you’re going to be there.”

Purvis’s voice was even bubblier than usual, causing Conley’s smile to fade. The fairy was up to something.

“Anyway, I—”

“Please tell me this isn’t another one of your set-ups.” Conley didn’t know if he could handle another set-up. Not when Purvis was using his own Fairy Dust before playing matchmaker. It was as if every male in Providence became an Adonis as soon as Purvis used his dust. Unfortunately, Purvis’s lust-induced version of an Adonis usually translated into a sober person’s troll, literally.

“Don’t interrupt. And, since you are being such a prissy little—”

 “Okay, sorry. Go on.” Conley rolled his eyes, well aware Purvis couldn’t see him do so.

“Much better.” The chipper tone returned. “To answer your question, yes, this is another set-up, but this time I know the guy will be perfect for you. I’m sure of it.”

“That’s what you said about the last guy. Remember, the lanky elf who wore make-up…sparkly make-up no less.” Conley appreciated his friend’s attempts to pair him off, but he preferred his men to be men.

“I’ll admit he was a poor choice on my part. I was thinking of my own tastes with him, but this one is different.” Something in Purvis’s voice changed. He sounded more serious, as if he were truly certain.

“Who is this perfect man you have lined up for me?” As much as he didn’t want to allow his hopes to rise.

“I’m not telling you. All you’ll do is create reasons why he isn’t good enough for you. Just remember to pick up some Nectar of the Valley when you get off work and bring it over to my place. I need about ten bottles. Actually, buy eleven. You and I can drink a bottle when you get here.” He paused., then, “Just make sure you dress hot!”

Before Conley could respond, the line went dead. Turning back to the stack of papers in front of him, he continued working. He’d sworn never to let Purvis push another man in his direction. But there had been something in Purvis’ tone…something…different this time. As he worked, he couldn’t help wondering about this mystery guy. Who would inspire such certainty in Purvis? Could it really be possible after all? As the hours passed, Conley’s anticipation of meeting someone new lifted the heaviness weighing him down before the call.

Feed, Prey, Love Trailer

Hey everyone. Check out this trailer fro my upcoming book Feed, Prey, Love.



Feed, Prey, Love - Prelude

Prelude

Palestine, 1798

Talib had been named after his late grandfather, meaning seeker of knowledge. His father was filled with pride when, at only eighteen, Talib was accepted to Beit Rabban, the house of the teacher, to serve as an apprentice under Rabbi Elder. It was a bittersweet moment when Talib left his meager village, proud tears streaming down his father’s cheeks. Although Talib inherited a dark complexion and angular, strong features, his frame was slender. Nothing like the muscular build of his father, who served as a commander in the Ottoman Empire army. Yet for all of his father’s size and military success, Talib had never questioned his love. While Talib might never be a military leader, he could show leadership in his own way and planned to open a school house once he finished his own education and pilgrimage. In the meantime, he relished his “special” relationship with his master. Only that eased his great homesickness..

He had been at Beit Rabban for nearly six months and missed his family dearly. The longing for home would have been unbearable had it not been for Rabbi Elder’s mentorship. More than a teacher, Elder had been an older brother of sorts, a friend to confide in and a man to emulate. The fact he seemed to be no more than ten to fifteen years Talib’s senior was simply another attribute to admire about the man. Rabbi Elder had to be truly great to attain his position at Beit Rabban at such a young age. Each day, Talib gazed at Elder’s sandy blond hair, the curls of his peyos framing his face perfectly to accentuate his cheekbones while hiding a sharp jawline, amazed that such a great man would devote so much attention to him in his academic studies and studies of the flesh.

The creak of his door each night was a welcome sound; one he had grown to long for over the past few months. He had lost count of the number of times Elder had climbed into his bed. At first shocked, thinking the pairing to two men a sin against God, Talib quickly reasoned that his mentor and nightly lover knew best. Who was Talib to question a man who knew the Talmud far better than himself?

Rather than dwell on his notions of right and wrong, Talib relished in the spark Elder ignited within him. Longings Talib had felt, but never dared explore, became a reality as he and Elder explored each other’s minds and bodies. To know that a man as worthy of respect as Rabbi Elder wanted the pleasure of another man filled Talib with a sense of wholeness. That he had chosen Talib out of all the other students at Beit Rabban filled him with a sense of pride; a belief that everything within him was true and right.

Rabbi Elder padded softly across the stone floor of Talib’s dormitory room. While there were other students, each received their own sleeping quarters. The accommodations were sparse, walls of stone, a cold and harsh atmosphere, but that was all part of the learning. Sacrifice of personal luxury to better learn to empathize with those less fortunate. Yet as hard as his thin mattress was, the warmth of Elder’s body  and the give of his muscles pressed against Talib’s own blocked anything else from his senses.

“I’ve missed you, Rabbi.”

Soft lips pressed against his own, capturing him in a kiss which began gently, but quickly became fevered. Something was different about the kiss. A hunger which wasn’t normally present. As if Elder had a greater need than usual. Once he pulled out of the kiss, brown pools seeming to glow with an amber fire stared down into Talib’s eyes. “I’ve told you, when we lay together, you are to call me Elder. The lines of master and scholar do not exist when we are together like this.”

“I’m sorry Rab…I mean Elder. It’s difficult for me to remember. I look up to you so.”

Elder’s eyes softened, the fire dimming, as he stared down into Talib’s. “It’s all right, my love. Tonight is going to be a very special night for the two of us.”

Heat washed through Talib, beginning in the pit of his stomach and radiating outwards. The waves of sensation burned from within, yet left an electrified chill along his skin, causing the hairs to rise. His lover’s words incited Talib’s mind, excitement warring with anticipation as he waited for his mentor to continue.

“You know how much I love you, don’t you, Talib?”

The words filled Talib. He would have thought he was floating if not for the weight of Elder’s body on top of his. “Yes, I do. And I love you, Elder. You have given me a gift greater than knowledge, you have given me the gift of awareness.”

Elder brushed his fingers through Talib’s black hair, pushing his peyos aside so they splayed on the pillow. He lowered his head to Talib’s neck and pressed his nose to the skin, inhaling deeply, the intimacy of the act causing Talib to shiver. In a husky voice, he whispered into Talib’s ear. “There are things I have not yet taught you, but I would like to.”

“Anything. I am a vessel for you to fill.” Talib smiled thinking of how many times Elder had filled his vessel.

Elder laughed. “You are playing with your words, but yes, you are my best and favorite student. Yet there are things not written in books which I must…no…which I desire to teach you. I have become…attached to you, and wish to share everything I am with you.”

The way he phrased his comment sent Talib’s mind soaring skyward. Elder wanted him, was attached to him. He had called him special. “Whatever you wish to teach me, I am willing to learn. You are a brilliant teacher. A highly skilled scholar. A man of great knowledge.”

“Yes, but I am more. Will you allow me to show you what I am? May I introduce you to the world I live in, one quite different than the world you know?”

There was mystery behind the cryptic words, forcing Talib’s breath to quicken, each intake shallow, uncertain. But Elder had opened Talib’s eyes, led him down paths which had frightened him, and Talib’s world was brighter and fuller as a result. If his mentor and lover wanted to share something with him, he would gladly receive the gift. “Yes, of course. Anything.”

Elder smiled, but it wasn’t a smile of happiness. Rather, his lips curled up into a grin revealing some other emotion Talib couldn’t identify. Only in the last moment did Talib realize Elder wore no smile. He drew his lips back, exposing teeth which seemed to have grown longer. Fear not were the last words Talib heard before Elder descended, clamping down on his neck.

Razor-sharp teeth penetrated his skin. With a piercing scream filled with pain, shock, and pleasure, Talib gripped at Elder’s head, trying to escape but to no avail. Blood flowed from his neck and into Elder’s hungry mouth, a sickeningly sweet iron odor filling his nostrils. Along with the sensation of blood flowing from him, each lick of Elder’s tongue bringing excruciating pleasure, Talib could also feel Elder’s arousal pressed against his thigh.

Time seemed to slow. The space between Talib’s heartbeats lengthened. The thrum of his blood coursed slower and slower.

After what seemed like hours, Elder drew back. Crimson blood stained his lips and dripped from his still-elongated fangs. While the bite had been painful, Talib longed for Elder’s mouth to return to his neck, to continue to draw blood from him. Although it was difficult to focus, Talib was able to make out the expression of lust and hunger in his mentor’s eyes. Elder’s arousal continued to drive against him, his own hardened shaft pressing back. He’s something other than human. How can this excite me?

“Talib, I am a creature of the night. You have a choice to make. I have drained you to the point of death. You will die if I do not feed you, but if you accept my gift, you will become what I am, and we can spend our lives together, for all eternity.”

Through the haze of his faint consciousness, he could make out the earnest expression on Elder’s face. Thoughts flittered through Talib’s mind, disconnected, difficult to comprehend. “A creature of the night? A golem? Not real…only stories.”

Elder caressed his forehead, hot fingers burning against his cold skin. “I assure you we are not lore. I am not a demon or possessed by a dybbuk. I am real and I wish to give you the gift of eternal life. Will you share your love with me for all time?”

Thoughts slipped through his mind, never taking hold. Darkness crowded in until he could barely see or hear. It wasn’t until the warm drops of thick liquid hit his lips and dripped into his mouth, quenching a thirst he hadn’t realized he’d felt, that his answer came to him. Gripping Elder’s wrist, he pulled the torn flesh to his mouth, sucking with all his might, drinking life’s essence back into himself with each pulse of Elder’s heart.

As if waking from a dream, Talib became aware of each of his senses. Sights, smells, scents, sounds, everything coalesced within his mind with great clarity and sensitivity. The fear emanating from a fly trapped in a spider’s web entered his nose. I can smell fear. Along with the coppery, iron flavor of Elder’s blood, he could taste the wine Elder had drunk at dinner. Disconnected thoughts flew through his mind. How can I taste the wine in his blood? Golem are real?

Sensation upon sensation filled him, only to come to a screeching halt when he heard something he never expected to hear. I have turned him. He’s now mine.

“What? What do you mean you’ve turned me?” Talib was sure he had misheard. It had to be the result of his loss of blood or perhaps the fear coursing through him. He had broken so many rules, he must be possessed by a dybbuk, the spirit of a dead man who’d violated the laws of Torah. Perhaps he had been wrong in believing what he and Elder shared was right. Was God punishing him for breaking His laws? An image of his home, his father’s proud face, flashed in Talib’s mind. Shame and panic swirled within him, making breathing impossible. He had shamed himself and his family. He had turned on his God; on his religion. All because he had trusted Rabbi Elder.

Elder’s eyes widened and his mouth opened slightly, only to clamp shut once again. Disbelief, no, shock, settled on his face. “I said nothing, my love. You must still be weak from the transformation.” It can’t be. He couldn’t possibly have heard my thoughts.

“But I do hear you. What is this? Have you deceived me in some way?” Fear shifted to anger and hurt. He’s betrayed me. He’s led me down the path of sin, knowing I could never return to the life I’d dreamed of. He’s forced me to act against my God…so I could be…his? The sense of foolishness closed in and around Talib and he pushed to free himself, to stand, to take in deep breaths of cleansing air. With little effort, his push flung Elder across the room, his body hitting the wall with enough force to kill a man.

Even in the dim light of his bedchamber, Talib saw the color drain from Elder’s face. “But how…how do you know the thoughts which run through my mind?” He mustn’t ever find out I did this so I won’t have to be alone any longer. I need a companion. Isolation has left me starved.

It took him a minute to get over the shock that Elder had not been hurt from his crash with the wall. Talib could hear everything, every truth Elder had failed to tell him. He had not offered Talib eternity out of love. His motives had been selfish. He could hear it in Elder’s mind, for the man could not lie there.

Talib was no longer human. He knew this in the deepest reaches of his being. The change had occurred. He was a dybbuk and worse, a golem. He had broken every rule there was to be broken short of killing. There was no turning back. The truth filling his mind caused Talib to retch, thick red jets of blood erupting from his stomach. When he could speak, he scowled at his former master, the man he’d loved, had given his heart and body to. The man who’d deceived him in the most wretched way. “You did this to me because you wanted a companion?” While the words formed a question, his tone carried all the anger and accusation coursing through him.

Raw emotion lifted Talib’s body from the bed. Before he realized what was happening, he was hovering in the air before Elder, defying gravity and laws his human form had to abide. He glided effortlessly, slowly closing the distance between himself and the deceitful man who had irrevocably changed his life. Instinctually, he reached out with his mind, linking it to Elder’s, forcing him into helpless paralysis.

Elder cowered, but was unable to avert his gaze. Talib could feel the will seep out of Elder as his mind gave way to Talib’s strength. He could sense the urge to fight back within his former mentor, but could feel the weakness radiating toward him. Elder wasn’t as strong as Talib. Talib was more than Elder, different. What have I become?

Hatred swelled within him as he prepared to strike, but he stopped, released Elder’s mind and lowered himself to the ground until he once again stood on his own two feet. “I will not kill you, nor will I remain with you. You may have taken the life I planned to live from me, you may have turned me into a golem, but you can never take my humanity. I may not be able to return home. I wouldn’t bring that kind of shame to my family. But I won’t stay here with you.”

Elder rushed forward. Kneeling before Talib he wrapped trembling arms around his bare waist. Fear radiated from his very pores. Talib could taste it, smell it. It burned his nose and tongue like acid. “Please. I’m so lonely.”

Talib pushed him away once again, not as hard as the last time, but hard enough to make his point. He had no idea what his future held, only that it had been changed. He could not undo the things he had done against God, but maybe there was a way to reverse the evil coursing within his body. Maybe he wouldn’t have to live an eternity, as Elder had said. Maybe he could become what he had always been, pious, a man of God.

Turning to face Elder, disgust filled him. Looking at the weak, pathetic man cowering on the floor, hands raised up in defense, Talib shook his head, a single, sad laugh escaping him. “And so you shall remain, for I must leave you.”